I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i will never coherently bang her
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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