no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
