THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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