Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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