When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
