I just saw a hot homeless man
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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