Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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