We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
