the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
