Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
