Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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