new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
