wat bout pragnant strippers??
Farmville is her only friend.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
