you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
