You work out of a Hotel?
i already hear my dad disowning me
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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