oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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