You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Fuck appropriateness.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize