explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
