Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Randomize
