I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
