Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Welp...herpes.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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