I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
