apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
