I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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