It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
