just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
