put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
