OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
we're making bets on your personal life
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize