Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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