Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize