Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
