Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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