Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
