After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
