why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
