perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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