Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
