I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
