i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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