threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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