you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
