No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize