i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Randomize
