a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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