Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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