Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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