the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize