Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize