508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
