Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
