i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize