I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Randomize
