Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
