Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
