VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
So squirting runs in the family.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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