the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
