It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
