10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just found puke in my bra..
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I think I have vodka in my lungs
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
