4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Randomize
