Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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