Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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