She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
