We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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