No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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